I Finally See a Valid Use For Torture

Nancy To CIA: "They lied to Congress."

CIA: "Did not, not, not."

Nancy: "Did too."

CIA: "Did not."

Did.
Not.
Did.
Not.

What we have here, is two mutually exclusive claims. Since they were all in a room together at one time. Either the CIA lied to Congress, or Congress, through Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is lying to us now.

Both stories cannot, like Shröedinger's Cat exist simultaniously.

This presents us with a perfect situation for the application of the torturer's art.



Tómas de Torquemada once, when defending his use of the dungeon, wrote that if a subject of inquisition was truly and honestly an innocent then God and Jesus, and the Saints would give that person the strength to withstand the pain of torture, even unto death. When subjects of the Inquisition would die under torture, they were presumed to be innocent of the charges, and their bodies released for Christian burial.

My proposal is this.

Since Yoo, Bybee, Addington, Cheney, and a whole host of people have declared that the techniques of "enhanced interrogation" were not torture and perfectly legal to be used, why not take Nancy Pelosi, and anyone from the CIA who disputes her account of the what happened during the classified briefing and turn them over to be waterboarded, walled, forced to stand, deprived of sleep, slapped, grasped, stripped, exposed to extremes of cold and heat, starved, beaten, forced to perform dog tricks while wearing a collar, and any of the other perfectly legal techniques which, since they have been all used without legal consequence, are now the law of our land.

Who ever holds out the longest will be presumed to be telling the truth.

Think of the great things that this would accomplish. Tort Reform? Don't need it anymore. All we would have to do is send somebody to the dungeon to be "examined," then take the word of the torturer as an article of faith. No more messy trials.

We could reinstate that time honored system of trial by combat or ordeal.

The accused would be bound and tossed into a swimming pool. If they float, they are guilty, if they sink, they are innocent and we can hope that we can fish them out before they are taken home to sit at the right hand of Jesus.



Like Theresa of Avila. What more could someone aspire to achieve? A glorious, Christian death that proves the truth to all the world.

Why are we waiting? Have we become a nation of weaklings?



We won't have to deal with messy pardons like happened with the Church Commission. It will spare us the pain of a Sam Ervin style investigation.

Look at all the problems and messy things that we would be able to bypass and ignore.

Yes, by going backwards, to say, the fifteenth century, we can truly and certainly move forward with faith and confidence.