Crip Ward Tango

Crip Ward Tango

Value, respect, and the sanctity of human life: It all depends.

In the spring of 2003 I worked in a hospital records office with five other women who were all white, working class who believed themselves to be middle class, parents, and planning to vote for George W. Bush again. They were all religious; one of them was the wife of a fundamentalist evangelist of a huge congregation. They spent a LOT of time in conversation, and I did not join in often because, well, we seldom agreed on things. But I listened.

They knew I was a lesbian, was radical, and that I spent my free time writing and performing with Actual Lives, a theater troupe for disabled adults directed by Terry Galloway. I had shared rehearsal anecdotes with them from time to time, shown around photos, and a couple of times other members of the troupe had stopped by to say hello to me during work hours because they were at the hospital for some reason.

At that time, the case of Terri Schiavo was in the news a great deal. During lunch one day, one of them brought it up and they all began working themselves up about how wrong it was to even think of letting her die because "nobody could know" if she was "in there or not". They were following the Frist-blazed trail without missing a beat. The one who was Catholic was especially outraged at the idea that this was like an assisted suicide. I didn't say a word. I ate my sandwich with my back turned.

This topic led more or less organically to the topic of abortion, which of course they all found reprehensible. One of them told a story in whispers, though I could still hear, about someone who'd had several abortions and it all hinged on her being a woman of color. They knew enough, by that point, to not be overt in their racism around me because I had early on gone to the one of them who was my supervisor and told her if I heard one more racist comment in my work environment, I'd file a complaint.

After they all swapped whispered opinions I won't share here, one of them, the Catholic, said out loud "Of course, if I knew for a fact that a child I was carrying was going to be born brain damaged, well, I know my doctor would help me not carry that baby to term."

My supervisor said "Mongoloid, you mean? Oh, absolutely. They're just going to have a horrible life, it's a mercy to not let it happen."

I waited for the evangelical's wife to speak. Instead, one of the others said "Not just brain damaged. If they had anything really wrong with their bodies, you know, like thalidomide babies -- I mean, what kind of life could they expect to have? They'd never get married or be able to find work. Better to not bring them into a world of rejection."

They began adding disabilities and physical differences to the list that made abortion not just acceptable but morally mandatory. I kept track, and by the time they were done, they had mentioned at least one of the disabilities claimed by every single member of my theater troupe -- people who were bright, funny, talented, and (most of them) leading good lives. Lives with love and work in them. Including me.

Finally the fundie chimed in and said "Of course God would understand. It would be a hard decision to make, and you'd have to pray the rest of your life, but that would be a lesson for you -- no reason to force deformity on an innocent."

There you have it: One version of the Christian Right's belief that they are imbued by God with the right to pass judgment on the lives of others. If it's not murder to abort a disabled kid, or in the case of rape or incest, or to the save the life of the mother, then it's not murder. If any conception is a human life, then surgeons operating to remove an ectopic pregnancy before the mother dies are committing homicide. Miscarriages are manslaughter, and extra heavy menstrual cycles will have to be investigated in case they are failures at implantation.

You see how the logic falls apart. This is because it's not based on logic, it's based on beliefs, two of which go far too unquestioned and even participated in by the left: Belief in the right to judge what someone else does with their body, and belief that "a good life" can be quantified by anybody not living that particular life.

It so happened that the week after that hellish lunch, we began another writing and rehearsing cycle for Actual Lives, and I went to our next meeting still in a white-hot rage. I knew everybody there well, I thought, but this incident made me even more tender-hearted and interested in them. For the next couple of weeks, as we met twice a week, I asked a lot of questions, getting people to tell me their story in more detail than I'd ever heard.

A few nights later, I was listening to the song "Cell Block Tango" (a.k.a. "He Had It Coming") from the musical Chicago on our local community radio and the lyrics for a parody began forming in my head. A parody that answered those vicious, moral women in my office and all the other horrific things my friends had been forced to hear, to endure. The first verse was about my life, but the next three were from the sharing of my sister and brother performers.

It became the best piece I ever wrote for the troupe.

In June 2004, we were invited to perform as part of the VSA International Arts Festival in Washington D.C., with disabled artists of all kinds from 50 states and 64 countries. We did an ensemble piece at the H Street Theater, and our finale was my piece, now called "Crip Ward Tango", to live music and as much dancing/staging as we could individually manage. It became the break-out hit of the week and was mentioned in the closing address as an example of what heights disability theory could reach. The day after we performed, I was electrified to hear strangers in the halls and elevators of the hotel singing the lyrics to my song. I was thrilled that the three people who had inspired me with their stories were the other performers with me on that stage. Here it is:

CRIP WARD TANGO


(Main performers in D.C. were Maggie Jochild, Adam Griebel, Terri Stellar, Jeff Marsh; live musical accompaniment was to tune of "He Had It Coming" in Cell Block Tango scene of Chicago. Maggie in regular chair with walker; Adam fully mobile but clearly brain-injured; Terri in power chair; Jeff in manual chair)

Announcer: And now, ladies and gentleman, the merry misfits of the Travis County Cripples Hospital are proud to present their rendition of the Crip Ward Tango.

[begins slowly, words spoken emphatically with rhythm-based pauses in between]

Maggie: Wazzup?

Adam: Frankenstein

Terri: Past life

Jeff: Amnio

Maggie: Wazzup?

Adam: Frankenstein

Terri: Past life

Jeff: Amnio

[All making head motions to tango musical interlude in background]

Maggie: [spoken slowly with glee and relish]

You know how people always ask you
"How are you? How's it going? Wazzup?"
Sometimes it's just automatic
but most people do care to some extent
They keep track of your milestones
And the unspoken expectation
is that if you are sick
or hurting
or -- God forbid -- disabled
You are going to get better, SOON
They turn off if you aren't better yet
They make suggestions for treatment
Something SOMEbody can do
so the next time they see you
your answer will be
"I'm doing better"
But what if that's never gonna be true?
Are any of you ready to hear THAT reply?

All: [singing chorus, repeated twice]

I won't get better
I won't get better
This is the best I'll ever be
And when I’m older
Yeah when I'm older
Things may be even worse for me

Adam: [spoken, upbeat and humorous]

People assume if you can't talk
Then you can't think
Or if you can't remember things fast
You must be STOOO- PID
They raise their voices
They talk to you like you are three years old
And if you get frustrated
For god's sake don't show it
'Cause nothing scares people more
Than a dummy on a rampage
Can you say "Frankenstein"?

All: [singing chorus, repeated twice]

I'm not retarded
I'm not retarded
Though that's an okay way to be
Why don't you listen
Shut up and listen
And find out what is the truth for me?

Terri:

Faith healers
Now THERE's a freak show
We crips are supposed to be close to God
or at least to remind others of how
God moves in mysterious ways
And the New Agers, they think
If you can just identify and clear out
the blockages from childhood issues
Or maybe it's a past life thing
The cancer will disintegrate
Your vision will return
They know somebody in Sausalito
who regrew a crooked spine!

All: [singing chorus]

Mind over matter
Mind over matter
Your only problem's in your head
Have you tried Jesus
Think of his suffering
Stop being hopeless, get out of bed

[said rapidly by each character, following tango beat]

Wazzup, Frankenstein, Past life, Amnio
Wazzup, Frankenstein, Past life, Amnio
Wazzup, Frankenstein, Past life, Amnio

All: [singing chorus]

Mind over matter
Mind over matter
Your only problem's in your head
Have you tried Jesus
Think of his suffering
Stop being hopeless, get out of bed

Jeff:

But the biggest tragedy of all, the worst
thing that can happen to a family
is when a child is born crippled
Right?
Was it bad genes? Was it bad choices?
Is it a lesson sent from God?
Why oh why would God let this happen
to an innocent child?
What kind of life can he expect to have?
No wife, no children, that's for sure
Some of their friends will whisper
"If they'd had amniocentesis, maybe
they could have stopped the pregnancy in time"
What do you say to things like that?

All: [singing chorus]

I am not dead yet
I am not dead yet
My only obstacles are YOU
I have a body
I have a sex life
It's time to alter your point of view

I am not dead yet
I am not dead yet
My only obstacles are YOU
I have a body
I have a sex life
It's time to alter your point of view

Maggie:

What if I never heal?

Adam:

If you can't talk, you can't think

Terri:

Have you tried Jesus?

Jeff:

What kind of life?

All: [singing chorus' last line] It's time to alter your point of view




© 2004 Maggie Jochild.