Baby Mama Drama—“Hate On, Haters”

“Um...Excusemeplease?”

“A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-annnd...they're off!”

No, not horses, or the two—(actually, one-and-a-half) Presidential candidates, but rather, the folks with the syphilitic, nerve-ganglia-ed remnant brains over at Fox News—right on cue as the general election season kicks into high gear with the end of the Democratic primary season.

We've already seen Bill O'Reilly's championing of a lynching party against the so-not-White Michelle Obama because she's...“angry” about things. As soon as it became clear that Senator Barack Obama was going to wind up a serious contender for the Dem nod, the folks at Fox fairly licked their hate-dripping chops at the prospect of tearing at a prominent Black woman of prominence. And just as soon as the primaries ended—mere hours in fact—we were treated to the in-need-of-a-helmet-at-all-times E.D. (As is “Special E.D.”) Hill blurting out crazed drivel about the Obamas victory-night “Dap Heard 'Round The World” being some sort of coded “terrorist fist jab”. (!?) Hill would later have to back off from that super-flammable, Hi-Test stupid when even her fellow wingnuts (along with most sane folk) said in perfect Borat-ese of her dimwitted body-language analysis, “Eh...not so much.”

But now, as the creeping dread over the soppy, bed-shit of a failure-ific McCain run can be seen in stark relief, the pointy-hooded hamsters who spin the Fox News engines have gone into panicky overdrive. With the dangerously flawed warmonger of a senator's damaging 1.5 gaffes-a-day diminishing GOP hopes by the second, the mattreses have been gone to over at Cro-Mag Central. Having nothing else—no guile, “snark, or even a touch of subtlety, they're reaching into their bag of tricks and pulling out...only their own hands stained with burnt-cross soot. Ass-nekkid racism, folks. The awful gift that just like herpes, just keeps on—“Yecch!”—giving.

We saw this last week when the …“news network” trotted out their prodigal daughter of dipshitttiness Michelle Malkin, ostensibly as a correspondent on “Women's Issues”. Now, we know that Malkin's bona-fides on issues important to women rank up there with those of Alan Keyes' on average Black folks concerns, but there she sat, in all of her grumble-faced, flop-sweaty glory before the cameras during a segment dealing with attacks on Ms. Obama and whether people should lay off her. Of course Malkin, shiv-jabbing little viper that she is defended the attacks on Sen. Obama's wife, referring to her as... “Obama's Bitter Half”.

?

Yes, Michelle Malkin referred to another woman as someone's “Bitter Half”.

Call “CSI” folks. Irony's as dead as a busted cinderblock and Malkin's got the dusty sledgehammer in her hands.

But it gets better. You see, the graphic that appeared under the once-banished-from-Fox Malkin (for a combination of not being able to cut it after repeated opportunities at the net, and a sanctimoniousness that put even them off) in a chyron was the ass-kicker.

It read, “OUTRAGED LIBERALS: STOP PICKING ON OBAMA'S BABY MAMA”.

Um. Baby Mama? Baby-what-the-fucking-fuck? Really?

Really.



It would be so easy to just go off on this at the most superficial of levels, but you know what, oh Klan-tastic folks at Fox? I'm gonna break this shit down James Brown-on-the-bandstand style, to the bare essence and build it back up from there. First—a hard finger-point back to the band to lay out—'cept for the drums and bass...

“Band!”

Okay. Malkin continued above that lovely graphic, with her usual “Nellie Olesen” huffy bullshit spew supporting the savaging Ms. Obama, because you see folks, that's her fucking job. Malkin is that special wingnut attack droid—used specifically for those nasty jobs that the big guns don't wanna catch direct hell for. Her special forté? Attacking women, children, college students and others on the lower end of the power ladder that it might look unseemly for the big boys to chomp on.

And she relishes her job because of a particularly nifty bit of psychotic transference going on with her. She's a loser, in spite of the right's bigwigs best efforts to cram her into the media mainstream. Allegedly “cute” just ain't enough to cut it, unfortunately. She's dim. She's an awful liar. And she's bereft of any vestiges of what one could remotely call “style” or “pizazz”. She couldn't connect with viewers if you coated her with Krazy Glue and fired her into an audience full of them. The poor thing is wooden to the point of petrification, and when on-camera, is about as on her toes as Cindy-Fucking-Brady on a game show to boot. Throw in the sad fact that she also has all of the charm of a roiling bucket of lye. Michelle Obama is everything Michelle Malkin is not. Stylish, damn smart, a success in her own right and the posessor of the charm and people-connectability that her alternate universe opposite has none of.

So yeah...there is some serious hateration and holleration goin' on up in Malkin's chintzy, Strawberry's™-outfitted danceree. They trotted her out there and she as usual cipher-ized the report with what she typically brings to the table—which is nothing. But then...(cues the band with another finger-point)

“Band!” (Guitars in now)

...because the network too has nothin', they weakly opted to shore up their “report” with that patently offensive graphic. Now I know the internal excuse is that some fucknut who just got their communications degree thought it would be all funny and cool and shit to rhyme something catchy with the Obama name (“Baby Mama”), and that they were just trying to be “hip”. But the real deal is evident to everyone with eyes and ears and any sense of the campaign season's present trajectory.

Fox “News” is in desperation mode in their trying to spin for the GOP this election year. The Republican brand is so damaged by the eight years of Bush and a pliant GOP-run congress that they'd be better off trying to spin a three-ton granite block half-buried in a tar pit, than winning talking points for Republicans. The ham-fistedness of this incident along with the lame “terra-dap” episode is clear evidence of that. They've. Got. Nothin'. And in having nothin', all that's left is the hewn-from-crazy-wood buckets they're carrying that flimsy-ass nothin' around in. It's gotten so bad that they're reduced to choppin' those up and burnin' em for fuel, wearin' em as clothes and making dinner out of 'em. Mmmmmmm-mmmmmmm, not very good. But here's where we're gonna signal the whole band to come back in for the last chorus—the big finish if you will. (Clenched fist-pump)

“Band!” (Horns and keyboards come in now, filling out the sound)

What they are doing, or rather trying to do to Michelle Obama here and for the forseeable future is to reduce her to the lowest common denominator “Black Chick” that they possibly can. The woman is Princeton and Harvard educated, a law school graduate, a former Dean at the University of Chicago, and a VP at the University of Chicago Hospitals. She's a doting mother of two daughters and has long been politically active. But what Fox News wants to do is bring her back to a place where their viewers and otherwise confused (by her status in spite of her color for them) Republican voters can deal with her on the party's terms.

Bluntly...she must be “re-n*ggerfied”.

Which is why she's spun as Hattie McDaniel “mouthy” and “sassy”. It's why she's being cast by them as the off-putting, “off-the-corner”, 'round-the-way, loudmouthed ghetto-gal with loose ways—evidenced by the “Baby Mama” misnomer. That phrase is generally applied to an urban woman of color who has children by an absent or otherwise unknown father. What reason could be given for the bandying about of that very distinct moniker other than to cast her in a negative light? Fuck the rhyming and word games—there are scatologically obvious plays one could make on Bush's name, but Fox wouldn't dare do that, right? Right?

So yeah, spare me. Please.

Oh yes, there lies a secondary element of racial dissery here with this bit of classic Fox-ism.

It is the age-old switcheroo American society has long pulled on its Black female population.

From the days of slavery, one of the main ways to break the spirit of Black women was to forcibly convert them into sex objects and play-toys for the majority population. “Bed Wenches” or “Bed Warmers” they were called, and basically that meant that they were just random pieces of ass to be grabbed whenever lust struck ol' “Massa”. Black women could be taken, used, discarded and disregarded as little more than sex toys—never mind free will or attachments to someone else. As such, those hyper-sexualized chains of the the “Black-Woman-As-On-Demand-Superfreak” go well beyond someone who might unfortunately have been forced to sexually submit, but is also extended to effectively restrain the aspirations of women of color who would dare to live beyond stereotypes. “Focus on dat body.” “Oooooooh those lips!” “You know how they like their sex!” et.al. It's the ultimate diminishment of a person down to a single, furtive, physical act.

Hitch it to its cross-gender counterpart and you have brilliantly evil construct of subjugation:

Black men are scary and violent! The women? Sex-crazed banshees!

And then, in the ultimate mind-fuck, when the Black man's potential for physical threat becomes too difficult to handle in pop culture, along with the intoxicating allure of many Black women (both in spite of what other things they may bring to the table) the script is casually flipped—de-nuding them of all vestiges of physicality or soul to speak of to create one-dimensional, safe “Negroes” for the masses in pop culture, alá MIssion Impossible's “Barney Collier” (as played by the late Greg Morris) and yes, Josie and The Pussycats' “Val”. It's these pre-fab “Negroes” whose imagery and temperament are deemed acceptable, while the inverted and equally pre-fabbed image of the n*gger to fear / n*gger to fuck is deemed unacceptable. However, both images are force-marketed to the majority population. There's no room for complexity at fearful racists' table. You are either a hyper-emotional, carnal beast or or a soul-less dusky automaton. Whichever fits the necessary negative needed at the moment.

Right about now, for Fox, it's about Michelle Obama, dat ol' wanton wild-woman. An' lawty-lawd—she done had herse'f a whole mess a kids, too! An' dat au-tomatically makes dem babies questionable!

Thus, “Baby Mama”.

Now of course, just like the terrorist fist-jab thang, this was so over-the-top that the Foxies had to back off it as well—albeit in their typical half-ass apology / screw you style, leaving the poor, rage-o-holic Malkin out there all by her lonesome to defend the deed. And she didn't disappoint, simultaneously pooh-poohing the flap while also trying to absolve herself of any blame ('I don't write the captions, so there!'). And you know you've struck a nerve with her when she's forced to fall back on her old doomsday play, “But I'm the victim here!”—as she paraded out the usual few rough e-mails she got from people who chewed her narrow ass off for her part in Fox's shitty little segment. “Waaaaaaaaaah! Look at how badly I'm being treated!” cries the wretch who in the offending piece crowed about Ms. Obama's somehow being “fair game”.

Yeah. Okay. Lemme run that Fox screenshot through my own little chyron-generator to fix the obvious-to-all goof...


There. I think we've got it right, now.

Oh, here's a song for your ass, oh, Michelle The Lesser. And hey—try not to fracture a hip spazzin' around to dance to it. Okay?