Mike Hukabee: “What Really Matters”

The Bill of Rights. photo The National Archives. Transcript. Click for High Resolution.

Reverend Hukabee Says “Fuck You” To Half the Country

Jewish?

Fuck you.

Mormon?

Fuck you.

Muslim?

Fuck you ya terrorist prick.

Catholic?

Fuck you you Papist lacky.

Hindu or Buddhist?

Who the fuck cares about you you Asian dog eater? You're why we have quotas to keep your kids out of Berkeley. And Standford. (Nothing we can do about MIT, fucking liberal Massachusetts, but at least we own California now with Arnie.)

Atheist or Agnostic?

Burn in hell. Twice.

Wicca?

Any agressive woman is a woman who doesn't know her place, and a woman who doesn't know her place is a WITCH. We BURN witches. Don't ever forget it, you evil nasty whore.

Lesbian?

Hate the sin, love the sinner. We have an outreach program for young lesbians that I'm personally responsible for. Is she your partner? With the red hair? Ya-huh. Sure, just come by this evening and I'd be glad to meet with both of you. Here, let me give you my number...

Mexican?

Be glad we let you work in our lettuce fields. Forty years ago, we'd have strung you up with the spear-chuckers, you fucking wetback. Anyway, you're all Catholics with ten damn kids apiece. You know, ya might consider drowning some of them like extra kittens, amigo. Or try some goddamn birth control like the rest of us, you little fucking brown heathens.

Black?

Oh, they're so cute. Especially the children before they grow up to be dope dealers. I love me them old-time Negro spirituals. Nothing better than the blacks we have down in rural Arkansas, all singing together at my church after a fish fry. Why Lord, we do love each other so. My children were raised by a Negro we let live in our very own house. (I wonder what became of her.)

Praise the Lord...

But to you, my brothers and sisters in South Carolina, Iowa and New Hampshire, I'm just like you. A white, God fearing man who believes in doing the Lord's work though politics, which is why I'm running for President -- to take back this country from the liberals and the hippies and the Jews who control the money and stop your daughters from being impregnated by foreigners out to steal your jobs. But let's forget all that right now.

Now is not the time to think of politics or your son having gay sex in New York City. It's the time to think of the America of your dreams, the America of your fantasies, the America who might vote for me, which is why I'm here to wish you a merry, happy Christmas. In the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, please enjoy a politic-free, happy and wonderful Christmas with your white all-American family. And your little dog too.

Amen.

(This ad is up in South Carolina, Iowa and New Hampshire.) h/t Street Prophets.

Mike Hukabee: “What really matters.”